Slow

Slow progress is great progress.

Sep 27, 2022

A theme has been emerging in my life.
It’s not new but it’s revisiting me much the way wisdom is wont to do.
As both a remembrance and a discovery.

I’ve been noticing a deep longing to escape screens and the bustle of so much humanity.

I find myself feeling more and more allergic to city sirens and loud mufflers, a tiredness at overhearing negative conversations between people yearning for connection, and a kind of claustrophobia being surrounded by so many things made by humans - sounds, structures, machines, pollution, pain.

I find myself fantasizing about beekeeping and gardening.

My daydreams are occupied by vivid images of dirty fingernails and harvesting onions alongside chilly morning walks with future dogs amongst tall trees with leaves just beginning to turn.

What it all has in common is a primordial yearning for slowness.

I am magnetized by the experience of sinking into a moment.

Of seeing something - a flower, a being, an emotion, a wonder - as it happens to be right now.

I find myself observing the flurry of our manufactured hurry with a sense of compassion and gentle absurdity.

Is all this technology really so interesting?

More interesting than growing a tomato?
More interesting than learning a song on an instrument on a porch in the sunshine?
More interesting than reading a book over rich, steaming coffee?
More interesting than sitting in camp chairs around a bonfire and laughing so hard you can barely breathe with dear dear friends?
More interesting than baking an ugly loaf of bread?

For me, it is not.

Last night we celebrated Rosh Hashanah. A sacred Jewish holiday that remembers the beginning of the world and marks the beginning of the high holy days that signal the arrival of a new year.

It honors that the world is whole but not complete and that we are in the process and unfolding of creation. Our mistakes, learning, and free will are part of that creative fabric. It is about cultivating forgiveness for ourselves and others to start the year with a clean slate. It’s a cleansing and a renewal.

We did a burning ceremony where we reflected on the last year, claimed the new beginnings we want to welcome into our lives, and burned small pieces of paper that held declarations of the things we were ready to let go of.

It was simple. Unsophisticated. And wonderfully, simply holy.

One of the lines that found me in my writing was…

S L O W P R O G R E S S I S G R E A T P R O G R E S S.

I experience the signature of the divine inside my body.

It is slow and steady, unmarbled by ribbons of fear, doubt, confusion, or shame.
It is a quiet bloom.
It does not spit out answers on demand but is always in communication with me.

Waiting. Ready. There.

Whether I remember to listen is another matter altogether.

Lately, I’ve been remembering to listen a little bit more.

What it tells me is that I want more kinship with my body.
More intimacy with the mundane.
More worship of the life found in slowness.

Less noise. More stillness.
Less hurry. More restoration.
Less worrying about the future. More being utterly, madly, stupidly in love with the unlikeliness of being me.

I wonder what you yearn for.

Not from the mind but from the heart.

What are those ideas and orientations that make your heart throb with aliveness?
What are those connections that blossom soft joy behind the watchful bones of your ribcage?
What does it feel like when you touch that gentle, wise wonder rather than the lust of the mind that tries to convince you that what you truly want must be chased?

Do you know what your yearning sounds like?

(And yes, I am present to the irony that I wrote this on a screen and that you are reading it on a screen. Le sigh. Reverent irreverence, is it not?)

Extra Magic:

My Autumn Starter Pack:

Bundling Up - sweaters, overalls, warm boots, and knit hats!
Gathering around food with friends (aka feasts)
Warm morning beverages and journaling
Mushroom hunting, oh yeah.
Knitting!!!
Crafternoons: carving pumpkins, baking bread, collaging, making soup, weaving, etc.
Nostalgic Halloween Movies! (Hocus Pocus, Coco, Practical Magic, The Addams Family, Ghostbusters: Answer The Call, Get Out…)!

Invitations:

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I was cooking myself food the other day. Something I relish. It is my time away from the computer and it breaks up my screen time. I enjoy the experience of touching ripe produce and smelling spices heating up in the pan. But I caught myself feeling bad about it. Like I was “wasting time”. Like I was cheating on my lunch hour. And it made me angry. It made me angry that spending a small amount of time to make something I need in order to survive felt less valuable than the things I do to make money. This, to me, is the mindset that comes from unchallenged capitalism. Where productivity becomes even more important than staying alive, let alone enjoying Life. That it is not only normal but expected to compromise on the fuel I am putting into my body to make more minutes available for working. I do not like this. I do not actually believe this. I reject this as a cultural norm and see it for the dehumanizing, absurd standard that it is. We are not machines. We are beings. such exquisite beings. And nourishing ourselves should not be an afterthought to work. RAWR!!!
In my daydreams of homesteading I have become enamored with the many colors of eggs that chickens can hatch. What a delightful thing to learn exists!
I also discovered all-black chickens. And when I say all, I mean all. Not only is their plumage black but so are their organs, bones, everything! I love the oil-slick coloring of their feathers. They hail from India and are called Kadaknath. Aren’t you glad you know about them now?
This meme.
Look at this praying mantis I found while camping this weekend. What a creature!