making it all up
on self-compassion, resiliency, and becoming comfortable with discomfort
You are making it up as you go.
They are making it up as they go.
Nature is making it up as she goes.
Consciousness is making it up as it goes.
I’ve been here before.
This place of reckoning.
Where things I thought I knew about myself came apart at the seams, revealing another goddamn thing that needs healing.
Do you ever get just so damn tired of healing?
In this place, my sense of self is shook.
I thought I knew myself better.
I thought I was better.
How confronting.
Most of us run from this. Anything that challenges our sense of identity or self.
For better and for worse.
Younger me’s would have collapsed into that loneliness.
Me today has grown up some, grown down some, grown deeper some.
For her, there is more acceptance. More humility.
Curiosity about myself.
Seeing new things about how we weird, little, earth creatures tick.
A tender welcoming of the parts of me that once seemed so ugly.
Compassion that there is no right way.
There is only the way we end up going.
It is in these places I have learned to sit with the fear, the hurt, and maybe most importantly, the unknown.
I have built the resiliency to be with what hurts.
It doesn’t make it any less confusing, but the confusion runs me a bit less.
I’ve gotten better at letting the uncertainty bloom at it’s own pace.
I’ve gotten better at letting the pain reveal to me what is asking to be tended.
Turns out, frantically trying to fix it, isn’t ever the real answer.
But holy shit, how loud it declare’s that it is the way.
That is what fragility is. The inability to be in / with / alongside the discomfort.
This week I started out fragile.
Like a pearl diver, I peered into the dark, cold, corners of myself and found little creatures lurking in the shadows. Pulling strings tagged fear, distrust, and righteousness.
Instead of beating myself up, I chose kindness.
Chose to listen.
Chose to accept how the gremlins were stealing the show (oof).
Chose to see what was mine… and just as importantly, what was not.
And also chose to make new choices going forward.
The most meaningful choices come from…
… feeling through
… stillness
… nuance
… humbleness
… acceptance
… slow fixes
Awareness must result in new actions, otherwise what good is the awareness?
Hard times are only a waste if you don’t learn from them.
Learn how to love yourself deeper.
Learn how to witness the parts of you that feel ugly.
Learn how to love and encourage yourself unconditionally towards more truth.
Learn to do better by others.
Learn more gentleness.
More patience.
More tenderness.
More resiliency in the face of a world that is quite literally being made up from one moment to the next.
We’re all just making it up as we go.
Have heart.
Trust, love, and learn with yourself.
In the end, it all unfolds in meaningful, unimaginable ways.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
- Maya Angelou
Invitations & Promotions:
Coaching sessions available here.
Tiny Gifts:
Yesterday I was introduced to the cartoonist, pants. My favorite humor is humor that surprises me. I also like absurd, weird humor. As well as humor that is smart and self-aware. I hope their comics make you giggle as much as I did!
This dad is #goals for me. I aim to be as unapologetic and appreciative of the world around me someday. Humor is medicine.
As part of my self care this week, I spent time NOT in my feelings. Because the heart needs rest… so here is yet another thing from social media to make you laugh out loud.
This week’s song: