How to Be a Swamp Mom
a Swamp Parent... or a Swamp Kid...
When my best friend asked me to be the godmother for her kid, I was an instant yes.
If push comes to shove I would bail him out of jail, cover for him to the FBI, and help him abscond with the loot from a heist if need be.
But everytime I described him as my “godson” or myself as his “godmother” it felt weird. Those titles are a tradition of a culture I don’t belong to.
I grew up in an earthly family, worshippers of flowers and midnight owls, and the word “God” was almost entirely absent from my upbringing.
God was a spiritual something my classmates had relationships with, but honestly I didn’t think about it much.
I’ve been through many phases of relationship with the word - from disdain to devout intimacy - as my own relationship with the force that underpins Existence has evolved.
But I’ve never used it the way most people use it.
A word’s power is rooted in the ideas it communicates between people.
Godmother and Godson have their own centuries of connotation and I wanted something that evoked what I meant when I said it.
Maybe it would be a conversation starter.
Maybe it would spread beyond just us to other folks who feel left behind by religious histories that aren’t ours.
I wanted something that felt more like madrina in Spanish - a mother-adjacent title and role.
I tested out a few whimsical ideas including Mischief Mentee, Adventure Protege, and then Swamp Kid… and the last stuck.
It sounded adventurous and thrilling, evoking the boggy scenes of Princess Bride, where daring heroes and brave leading ladies overcame dangerous obstacles with grit, guts, and wit.
It also seemed appropriate since I want to be someone he comes to during the swampy chapters of life, when things might be more confusing or he might seek out a trusted adult other than his parents for support and guidance.
Et voila! I became a Swamp Mom.
Then came Swamp Days.
Swamp Days are days I plan for the two of us and maybe an extra friend or two (like Mom, Dad, Uncles, or Aunties).
Our first Swamp Day included:
a trip to the aquarium
lunch at one of my favorite sandwich shops
a nap
a picnic at the park where we also climbed trees and played Make Believe
then building a blanket fort in the living room and watching a show together
finishing with reading a book together and bedtime
For Swamp Days in the future, I want to include a combination of some of the following:
going experience something new for the first time (like the museum of flight, the butterfly emporium, or the science center)
doing a shared activity (like playing catch, fixing/building/cooking something together, tinkering with my motorcycle, go swimming, gardening, etc.)
something nostalgic that reminds me of my own childhood that I’m excited to share with him (like making special waffles, go clamming or tidepooling, assemble a cardboard box fort, or making May Day bouquets)
A sleepover and reading books together before bedtime!
Being a Swamp Parent is about imagination. Nestling back into it, treating all of it’s ideas as wonderful, and trusting that what you come up with from that place will be valuable to a tiny human you love because they touch that same childlike joy within you.
Being a Swamp Parent is about the importance of play. Encouraging it in other while practicing it yourself. The beauty of being human is not about all the things adults spend so much time focusing on.
Being a Swamp Parent is about presence and quality time. I don’t live as close to my Swamp Kid as I’d like so I only get to see him every couple of months. When we do get time together I need to show up. I need to be present and pay attention to who he is becoming. I need to notice how he experience himself and the world and encourage his curiosity and self-belief. I need to make sure he experiences me on his team, excited about who he is and how he ticks, and that he feels me love fully and fiercely.
Invitation:
If you have a kid you love - whether they are 5 years old or 50 years old - do something for the pure the whimsy of it.
I recently sent my Swamp Kid a Treasure Collector (aka fanny pack) in the mail with some of the treasures I’ve found on my adventures in the wild world - a tiny toy dinosaur, a blue and white marble, 50 cents, a spiral sea shell, a smokey quarts crystal, plus some twine in case something needs to be tied, and a tiny plastic bag for wet or muddy treasures to be transported home for cleaning.
I wrote him a letter about where and how to collect treasure - city sidewalks, beaches, forest paths, just about everywhere you go there might be treasure waiting to be found - and the importance of leaving some behind sometimes for the next person so that we make sure there is always enough treasure for everyone to find.
What tiny project brings a smile to your face?
Small Gifts:
For my audiobook and fantasy fiction lovers out there, I cannot recommend enough the Rivers of London Series by Ben Aaronovitch narrated by Kobna Holdbrook-Smith. It’s one of those series where you dread nearing the end because you’re loathe for it to be over. The story is cheeky, intelligent, and unexpected. The icing on top is the narrator’s performance. He navigates dozens of accents and brings the protagonist - Peter Grant - to life so richly. My biggest grief after finishing the available books was that there weren’t more!
My latest song on repeat: https://spotify.link/N7SIsObw2Cb (not sure why this isn’t embedding this week)