harebrained ideas
how do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
I’m full of harebrained ideas.
Sometimes I think it makes me a supernova.
What an imagination to be able to concoct so many schemes!
To imagine so many possible lives. As a carpenter. A farmer. A singer. A filmmaker. A wife. A mother. A business consultant. A healer of relationships. A warrior for love. A traveler. A translator. A marine biologist who specializes in the study of whales. A matronly cafe owner slinging espresso and croissants on an island in the Salish Sea. A pioneer queer who opens up the first truly intersectional and inclusive motogear boutique!
It's an engine in me that led me to live abroad in Chile, France, Nicaragua, and Mexico…
It hatched the idea to convert a school bus into a tiny house on wheels that I eventually lived in for three months in San Diego…
It emboldened me to open my coaching practice on a grey, gloomy, autumn morning 6 years ago…
What a luxury!
What a privilege to explore so many possibilities!
Other times I think it makes me a coward.
Entertaining one idea after another.
Chasing the shiny thing.
Shrinking back from action instead of taking the imperfect steps required to discover clarity and understanding.
Am I hiding from commitment?
Do I have a poor work ethic?**
Am I indulging fear and indecision to my own detriment.. again?
In this chapter of life, I’ve felt like Alice in Wonderland when she is walking through the Tulgey Forest. The broomdog appears at the bend just before her, obliviously and contentedly erasing the path.
The path that was just in front of her.
Then the path just behind her…
She finds herself standing alone in a small square that fits her small feet just so, no longer able to see signs of what direction she might head next.
My ability to dream can be a superpower. It can also make the landscape of options so vast that it’s paralyzing.
I think… I THINK!!! I have landed on at least a direction to set out on.
I’ve decided to shutter the doors of my dating and relationship coaching business, while I pursue my Bachelor of Science in Nursing.
(I also give myself permission to change my mind because I tend to do it anyway!)
There has been so much back and forth, grief, and self-doubt in making this decision.
For years I thought I was put on this planet to help people heal their relational wounds so that they could finally call in and/or cultivate the kind of love and care that I think we all yearn for in the deep, private spaces of our hearts.
(Maybe I still am and my path will bring me back here in some unexpected way down the line. All will be revealed.)
These last two years have been a humbling spiritual crucible.
What has remained consistent has been the guidance to embrace living slow and small.
Instead of living an inch deep and a mile wide, I keep being summoned to live an inch wide and a mile deep.
When I finally held the idea of dissolving my relationship coaching company in my hands… so that I could focus on getting my BSN, I felt peace and ease settle inside my body.
The worry slowly faded, leaving behind simplicity and a sense of steady capability.
The ember of anticipation glowed a bit brighter at the idea of going back to school again.
My feet are steadier on my path with directions that I did not have to map out alone, test, or bet on blindly.
To this newest harebrained idea, I am saying ‘yes’.
I do not know where it will lead or what I will learn about myself along the way but I trust that by putting one foot in front of the other, more breadcrumbs will be revealed.
It is through action we find clarity.
It is through our challenges that we learn and grow.
It is through our goodbyes we become available to new hellos.
Bon voyage mes cheris! On y va!
Dive Deeper:
I think the path weaves over and around on a map that might look something like this…
Ikigai is the Japanese word and concept that captures when something gives us a sense of purpose and reason beneath our living.
Extra Magic:
** Some of these thoughts are tenderly common and human. Especially if you are neurodivergent. The ways our minds work differently often get codified as character flaws (laziness, neediness, intensity, etc) and we internalize those ideas because we simply don’t have exposure to what else our tendencies might mean.
In my research, I’ve found affirming terms/labels that help me see my neurology with new eyes. Like a painting that has been hanging on the wall my whole life, but now I’ve turned it 180 degrees. All of a sudden I can begin to make out an evocative, interesting image, whereas before it was an abstract jumble of colors I couldn’t quite make sense of.
Negative self-talk is unoriginal, uninteresting, unhelpful, and ineffective. I’ve never bullied myself into a better life. I’ve only ever unlocked unimaginable, new doors by returning to the practice of choosing, reassuring, and cherishing myself. With an emphasis on embracing the warty parts.
You too are wired this way. You will learn and grow in beautifully unanticipated ways when you are reassured, encouraged, seen, and safe. You might learn from shame… but it will not be into more of who you are and the unique gifts you have to offer.
Do not choose that path.
Do not choose that path.
Do not choose that path.
It is not safer or more acceptable. It is not more dependable. It is not easier.
Choose the wilder, messier, slower, weirder path that unfurls who you are one glittering, velvet petal at a time.
Invitations:
Yes, I am shuttering the dating and relationship coaching business. But in the meantime, I’ve shifted my focus to consulting with small businesses that are ready for their next chapter of growth.
I’ve consulted with small businesses on and off over the years helping them with practical goals like streamlining systems and improving profit margins as well as “softer” goals like hiring the right people, fostering solutions-oriented thinking in teams, and improving relations between business partners as well as between managers and direct reports.
If you are a business owner with too many good ideas and not enough time, how does support in figuring out what to prioritize next and building a 4-month game plan that frees up more of your time, elevates your team, and improves your cash flow sound?
Pretty damn good, huh?
If you are a small business owner and you can tell that a) something’s gotta give or b) you can see that your next chapter of growth is on the horizon but you’re not sure how you’re going to make it happen with how busy you already are, grab a free consultation with me to see if it will help you remove obstacles and clear the way for more joy, ease, and sustainable growth in your business.
If you want to research my ethos and approach more, visit my website here.
Please Note: My business coaching is equity-centered. It focuses on prioritizing people before profit and is intended to help businesses that are committed to making money BY contributing to the betterment of both human and planetary well-being, not at the expense of those things. If those are not priorities for you or your business, then I am not the coach for you.
Little List:
My dreams are becoming smaller and more beautiful for it.
My chronic health issues have been lumbering dragons lately. Achy joints and bones. Tired brain. Weary heart. Poor sleep. This morning in my pages I found myself journaling sweet prayers of health, restoration, and hopefully answers. I do not want this experience in my body anymore. I want to heal it. I hope I can.
This song has been tickling my ears:
I took a stand-up comedy class with Stephanie Nam last month and put to bed the idea that I might want to be a stand-up comic someday. I love writing comedy, but I learned that that medium is not the one that lights up this little heart. I feel quite delighted to have learned this about myself.
Conversely, this past weekend I took a mending class this last weekend with The Field Trip Society here in Seattle and was also surprised at how delighted I was to discover that I love mending. Like knitting, it seems that this earth creature likes to make things with her hands.
I am a patron of Britchida’s Patreon, and once a month tiny art arrives through my mail slot. It has never not made me happy. This month’s gift in particular touched the part of me that has been grieving Arlo, worrying about life, and struggling with my health. Mmmmm, the power of art.
