getting scrappy
Since November I’ve watched my discretionary spending spin a bit out of control. Not in a debt-collectors-are-coming-for-me way but more of a I’ll-take-all-three-because-I-can’t-decide-and-they’re-all-so-lovely kind of way and now-I’m-stressed-about-insurance-payments.
Like everyone, I have weird gremlins pulling strings in my head about Money.
I never feel like I have enough while also feeling guilty for whatever I do have.
My bank accounts have traversed massive swells of feast and famine, and I have anxiety-borne grey hairs to show for it.
I’ve been able to figure out ways to make money but have never quite gotten good at the whole saving-for-a-rainy-day thing.
My credit cards and I seem to be in a never-ending boxing match where my debt creeps up, I panic and scramble to pay it down, only to get to my corner of the ring hoping for a breather only to turn around to find them chomping at the bit to go another round.
Then there is the dopamine merry-go-round of consumerism. And it sits right at my finger tips in these candy-colored little apps that whisper of the treasures I haven’t yet found.
Will getting that second-hand sweater reeeeally make me feel like a young, bohemian poet in a field of lavender in Southern France at the turn of the century?
Will getting that whimsical, antique, cast iron soap dish reeeeally make me feel like an artiste washing up in her cloistered retreat in the woods after she communes with the ancient and avant-garde wisdom of Madame Nature Herself?
Will I reeeeally set a table with amber-glass chalices, hand-dipped beeswax candles, well-read books, and brass candelabras like the professionally edited Pinterest pictures seduce me into thinking I just might?
The answer is most likely No.
Starting last October, for the first time in my adult life, I really dove into gift making, assembling, and buying for the holidays. Historically I haven’t gravitated towards the rabid consumerism that colors the end of each year. But this year was different.
I thrifted for presents and worked with my love - who we’ll call Big from now on - to put together thoughtfully curated gifts for friends and family. It was awesome. I had so much fun. I felt so creative and resourceful.
One example is that I picked up three beautiful decanters at Goodwill for less that $10 and then Big hand embossed a set of leather necklaces from scrap materials that read gin, whiskey, bourbon, vodka, tequila, and so on. All in all it came out beautifully and for under $20. Now are friends who love entertaining have started a collection of gorgeous-but-inexpensive decanters to turn their bar cart into an artistic moment in their house instead of an eye-sore of mismatched labels.
What I didn’t realize was that a snowball had been set loose from the mountain top and was destined to pick up speed and price tags.
(Now for my mother and father who are inevitably going to read this, please take a breath and let go of any worry thats been accumulating. My finances and I are fine. I am learning important lessons and this is an essay about improving fiscal hygiene rather than an omen of my impending financial ruin.)
When I got home last week from my trip to Chile and Argentina, I looked at all of the beautiful souvenirs I had I had collected - an assortment of framed and printed art, hand-made cutting boards, jewelry, and antique handkerchiefs (oh, the frivolity!) - and I knew I needed a reset.
I found something called a No-Spend Challenge that actually gave me ideas I got excited about adhering to. I have a rebellious inclination to push back against anything or anyone that is telling me to do something I don’t want to do - including myself!
Start achievable, it said.
Start where you are experiencing the most discomfort with your spending (for me this is clothes, garden supplies, and home goods).
Have a compelling goal that feels good to go after.
And have a plan for what you’ll do with the extra time and creative energy.
The outline for myself this month is as follows:
First - don’t buy it!
Except, of course, living and safety expenses like food, rent, transporation, insurance, and so on.
But if I do need it, rather than just reeeeally wanting it…
Start by checking to see if I already have something I can use (Duh! But you’d be surprised how many of us have Extra tucked away because online retailers sell everything in packs of 4 now! Ugh.)
Can it be repaired, mended, or made? I love repairing, mending, and making things, so this is what really got me excited and invested.
Do I reeeeally need it? Just double checking!
Can I borrow it from a friend or neighbor? Or can I find it for free?
Not so oddly, the added “treasure hunting” aspect of trying to find free or alternative solutions has already been way more fun and satisfying. I feel scrappy, resourceful, and clever. I feel better about myself and am enjoying the process much more. I feel more free of guilt and it’s slowing me down to actually get clear on wants vs. needs.
I need some topsoil for my garden as I prepare it for April seeding. If I’m not getting it from the nursery (at $15+ per bag!!!!), then where am I going to find soil? I wondered.
Imagine my delight when I remembered that there is a “free stuff” board on Craigslist. I pulled it up and found 3 neighbors within a 15 minute drive with leftover soil from landscaping projects… I also found:
5 free upright pianos
2 free 20’ tall white-blossoming Dogwood trees
3 free oak, roll-top secretary desks for Big
1 free small upright freezer
1 storage unit full of free midcentury modern furniture (catch is you have to take it all)
Dozens and dozens of nursery pots
And a beautiful, albeit very-well-sat-in leather couch
Is this the intrinsic expression of my hunter-gatherer instinct in all it’s modern, optimized POWER?!
As I texted links to all of the incredible, FREE treasures I was finding to Big, he very gently and in good humor reminded me that the point of the no-spend challenge is also to simplify, not go mad acquiring as much free stuff as possible just because it’s free.
You can take the girl out of consumerism but you can’t take the consumerism out of the girl!
Le Sigh. Alas, the only treasure I’ll be chasing down at this time will be the dirt for my yard and garden.
Joking aside, maybe the most important emerging revelation is that I feel like I might actually be on I’m on track to change my relationship with emotional spending. And that feels both empowering and calming.
Ode to Being Scrappy ~ Vignette:
As I was drinking tea I lamented how quickly it cooled down. My teapot needs a cosy! I decided. My first inclination was to buy one - but wait, I’m not spending on that frivolity anymore! I reminded myself. Then I can make one! I retorted. I looked up patterns on Etsy. It’s only $2! I tried cajoling. No! You promised. I insisted. I wonder if any of my knitting friends have a pattern they would share with me? I mused. The first knitter I texted replied by sending over two pattern! Then I had the brilliant idea to do a search for ‘free teapot cosy knitting patterns’ and the internet did not disappoint. There were literally hundreds of free patterns available!
Unlearning the inclination to throw money at something, even “just $2”, feels pretty damn good. And celebrating little wins is essential to rewiring habits ; )
Update and Invitation
Free subscriptions will forever get access to one essay a month.
Paid subscribers will get at least one additional essay each month. If you’d like to be in on the action you can upgrade to the $6/mo paid subscription here:
Additionally, I am going to experiment with some new, different formats - some shorter, some more whimsical, some more visual.
Thank you for being part of the journey.
Extra Goods:
Leave the leaves!!! Don’t “clean up” leaves in your yard and natural spaces. Leave them from fall through when native pollinators like bees and butterflies begin to emerge (around April in Western Washington). Many pollinators use leaf litter as a habitat for hibernation and when we “clean up” leaves, we are also destroying pollinators in fragile larval states and shipping them off to compost facilitators. If you can’t (due to HOA) or don’t want to leave your leaves all over, consider creating consolidated areas around garden beds, shrubs, or trees that you can leave undisturbed. Also, leaf litter return tons of beneficial nutrients to the soil and plants… it’s kind of the whole cyclical way Nature does her thing. Creating little protected leaf-litter habitats is a great way to help save pollinators and let’s you off the hoof for a bunch of unnecessary and ecosystem damaging yard work!
My first movie recommendation is to watch Supernova starring Colin Furth and Stanley Tucci (who I almost named our dog after because I love him so much). It is an understated, beautifully rendered love story. Bring a tissue though, you absolutely will cry.
My second movie recommendation is a wonderfully, self-aware French comedy called Je ne suis pas un homme facile (I Am Not an Easy Man) that very intelligently plays and displays with societal scripts about the narratives we impose on men and women pointing out the absurdity of both and offering levity and freedom to imagine something different for us all.
A little, well-timed wisdom from Viggo. Just because.
For me, this song is immortal:
